It’s almost 4am and I have an appointment at 9 in the UES and I stupidly took a nap at 7 and…..hi.
Anyways, to get all weird: I’ve always felt like I was the poster child for insatiability. Nothing is ever enough. Literally and figuratively but more so I just ate a lot of kettle corn after being reintroduced to it the past weekend and now I’m trying to get my mind past it but the bag is still…..too near.
In any case, I started packing (using that term quite loosely considering I still can’t walk through my door) to move out this weekend and I think hoarder is probably the more appropriate term to describe my lifestyle but I like flattery and I want the internet to see past my faults and focus on my charming girlish ways.
The amount of things I own is terrifying to people who have never had a materialistic bone in their body, as well as those who don’t see sentimentality in excruciatingly old concert tickets, your neighbor’s stolen NY mag, thrift store sequin monstrosities, broken picture frames that you swear you’re going to fix one day, packing slips because they have addresses that you ought to write down in your nonexistent address book, and so on. I can’t get enough of memories; the ability to emotionally connect something with a physical object is most appealing to me, especially when there is so little of my parent’s past that they kept for me to see since they are of the mindset that all things are junk. I also think they don’t want me harassing them for their poor fashion choices from the early 90’s (lots of tie dye.)
To go along with a mildly cliche list of New Year’s Resolutions, my main one is to focus on minimalism. In a lot of my desired aesthetic, I go for the plain and understated, with as little detail as possible. This can be interchanged for both my wardrobe as well as my design (the layout of my tumblr, for example.) There’s something so chic and comforting that comes along with white space and smooth lines, as well as clean cut silhouettes and solid colors. I’ve always had a great difficulty sticking to this though, since a lot of my …background? comes from when I painted and was particular to bright colors and loud vibrant prints. Even when I first began my love affair with vintage, there was always an attraction to the gaudy and obscene rather than a lick of practicality. There is a certain feeling that comes along with a little chaos.
Right before I left FL in Nov, I gave away bags and bags of clothing, books, records, etc just because there is no need. I couldn’t remember it when I was away from it, but as soon as I saw it, I became enamored of the excess. I wanted to delve into it face first and come up choking on sequins. And while I now feel relieved, there are still the moments where I want to slit my wrists thinking of what I could have done with a gold glitter cape, but really……..
As always, I lost my way in writing this out, but my two points: I am an insatiable hoarder, and MINIMALISM 2012.
woke up a bit hungover (matchless two for one/lindsay’s welcome home party) and still in last night’s garb. uncomfortable. sold some clothing and bought red suede booties and a completely unnecessary gray suede western fringe jacket. pictures to come once i figure how to style it better….
this evening i took myself on a celebratory dinner after receiving my first paycheck/not having to worry about money for a week (or two).
i sat in the back of this restaurant, not too crowded since it was still a bit early, but enough people around that i could be unnoticed. an older woman turned her chair towards me after her meal and asked if i was peruvian. we got onto talking about spain, where my family is from, and she told me that she met her husband there many years ago on vacation.
i am too much of a romantic for my own good, and while i try to repress…everything, it made me so happy to hear that these things happen. love can be found anywhere. people adventure, people are happy.
i’m sounding like a teenage coming of age novel but it really made my day.
3am is my hour lately. i want to keep up with how things have been going but i’m losing the energy and desire to keep stretching myself and pretending i enjoy it. i can only be so many people, i can only be with so many people, before i lose a sense of self and purity. it’s so easy to be careless with your heart.
big plans to actually leave my cocoon today and venture out into the living to look for a job but…..something about being wrapped up in a blanket fully dressed seems a little more appealing than wandering outside in the cold.
i’ve been ignoring everything and everyone because i can’t bring myself to care about a single thing other than myself and it’s not doing me any favors.
there was a catalogue for FIT in the landing of my apartment today…..a sign? maybe. i feel so stagnant.